There are many things I wish to say
my soul bleeds
I WISH I COULD DO OVER
i loved in the capacity i was able
the afrika in your hips / the sun in your eyes / the ancestors in your hand
i’ve only been human
you’ve been half a world to me. the other half…
well. i’ve inherited my parent’s pains. if i could just kiss the recycled dysfuction into the abyss,
well. i wouldn’t be at war with myself.
i am distance. no clue how to balance the delicate with strength.
thick-skinned. not within.
have mercy, i’ve only been human.
there are many things i wish to say. my soul bleeds in moments.
in so many moments that could have been different moments.
no regrets. not regret. not today.
i am gently holding my shit together. not falling apart. not letting me go. holding me together. delicately.
i wish i could have been more fragile. my strength resembled focus. independence. lack of care.
i didn’t know softness. a tuba instead of a flute
i am delicately holding my shit together. i am delicate.
we dug each other out of lovely and loving places. maybe it is well that we return to those spaces. soften the soil with tears. and dig our way back in.
there is an art to giving and taking. finding oneself’s worthy. deserving. i have been my own thorn.
there is much i wish to say. my soul bleeds in moments. in moments i can’t repair. i am responsibly holding my shit together. being strong. being delicate. being flowers. being walls. at the same time. for me.
all for me, this time.
have mercy! love, i’m human.
you are the sea i can’t swim.
i’ve only been human. i can’t be more for you if it means i am less for me.